"I think women are foolish to believe they are equal to men. They are far superior and always have been."--William Golding
"You see the Church recognizes things so profoundly that in some way you can say she has always recognized the special dignity granted to women. You cannot be a Christian and not recognize the privilege that it is to be a woman, because the most perfect of all creatures, the only creature born without original sin, is a woman and therefore once again you understand the extraordinary privilege of being one and having this image of the Holy Virgin, who was both Virgin and Mother and the two go beautifully together."
-Dr Alice Von Hildebrand
One of my favorite books is Dr. Hildebrand's "The Privilege of Being a Woman".
I have spent most of my life since I can remember trying to comprehend the dignity and beauty of Woman. The earliest memories I have of yearning for the love of a woman were wanting to always be near my mother. I remember her touch, her laugh but most of all her voice. How I wish I could hear her say my name again! My mother's love was so comforting. I always knew her love for me was something special, something that I treasured.
As I grew up I searched out a different kind of love from women. A different kind of treasure. At 9 years old I was exposed to pornography. It rocked my world and destroyed the seeds of authentic manhood sprouting in my heart. I no longer saw the love of a woman as something beautiful. I saw the BODY of a woman and nothing else. I had been consumed with lust. Women for me became a collection of body parts and nothing more. No longer was a woman some one. She had become an it, a something.
I began to treat all women as such, even my mother. She too had become an it, and so had her love. I no longer cared how I hurt her, lied to her, wounded her. I no longer wanted anything from her. All of a sudden, her love was not good enough anymore. I had become the antithesis of a man. Where I was on the path to learn how to protect, defend and honor woman because of her great dignity, now I wanted only to see, touch and use; to only satisfy this new urge in my heart and body. The darkest times of my life were beginning.
Eventually, I saw the price of my lust when a girlfriend of mine attempted suicide after I used her and dumped her. My lust almost cost an innocent girl her life. I fell. I fell hard. I tired to kill myself as well. I couldn't escape fro the prison that pornography had built for me. My life revolved around sex.My life revolved around using a woman for her body, never trying to see her as a person. or avoiding any attempt my heart made to try to let me see her as a person.
That all changed when my heart introduced me to HER.
That night, after 13 years, I went to confession.
All of a sudden my life changed. Lust was no longer enjoyable for me. I felt guilty after indulging in it. I felt like I was degrading myself and others if I participated in actions contrary to love.
LOVE. I finally learned what it was. What it looked like, felt like, the joy it brought, it's demands. All the beauty of Love and you know what...there was only one word I could use to describe it, then and now...
MOTHER.
This is a battle I fight every day. Magazines, commercials, ads on the internet...around every corner is an excuse to use, to consume the innocence and dignity of a woman for my selfish gain. However, Grace abounds where sin is found. By God's grace the battle is indeed a battle, not a crushing defeat. I fall many times, but now, I get up and get back to business, relying on God's heart to teach me how my heart should see the world and his beloved sons and daughters.
To all my dear sisters out there...
You are enough. You are SO ENOUGH. You are beautiful, your dignity is so great that my dignity rests on how valiantly I protect, defend and value yours. Forgive me for the times I have failed in my charge. Pray for me as I do for you.
"You see the Church recognizes things so profoundly that in some way you can say she has always recognized the special dignity granted to women. You cannot be a Christian and not recognize the privilege that it is to be a woman, because the most perfect of all creatures, the only creature born without original sin, is a woman and therefore once again you understand the extraordinary privilege of being one and having this image of the Holy Virgin, who was both Virgin and Mother and the two go beautifully together."
-Dr Alice Von Hildebrand
One of my favorite books is Dr. Hildebrand's "The Privilege of Being a Woman".
I have spent most of my life since I can remember trying to comprehend the dignity and beauty of Woman. The earliest memories I have of yearning for the love of a woman were wanting to always be near my mother. I remember her touch, her laugh but most of all her voice. How I wish I could hear her say my name again! My mother's love was so comforting. I always knew her love for me was something special, something that I treasured.
As I grew up I searched out a different kind of love from women. A different kind of treasure. At 9 years old I was exposed to pornography. It rocked my world and destroyed the seeds of authentic manhood sprouting in my heart. I no longer saw the love of a woman as something beautiful. I saw the BODY of a woman and nothing else. I had been consumed with lust. Women for me became a collection of body parts and nothing more. No longer was a woman some one. She had become an it, a something.
I began to treat all women as such, even my mother. She too had become an it, and so had her love. I no longer cared how I hurt her, lied to her, wounded her. I no longer wanted anything from her. All of a sudden, her love was not good enough anymore. I had become the antithesis of a man. Where I was on the path to learn how to protect, defend and honor woman because of her great dignity, now I wanted only to see, touch and use; to only satisfy this new urge in my heart and body. The darkest times of my life were beginning.
Eventually, I saw the price of my lust when a girlfriend of mine attempted suicide after I used her and dumped her. My lust almost cost an innocent girl her life. I fell. I fell hard. I tired to kill myself as well. I couldn't escape fro the prison that pornography had built for me. My life revolved around sex.My life revolved around using a woman for her body, never trying to see her as a person. or avoiding any attempt my heart made to try to let me see her as a person.
That all changed when my heart introduced me to HER.
That night, after 13 years, I went to confession.
All of a sudden my life changed. Lust was no longer enjoyable for me. I felt guilty after indulging in it. I felt like I was degrading myself and others if I participated in actions contrary to love.
LOVE. I finally learned what it was. What it looked like, felt like, the joy it brought, it's demands. All the beauty of Love and you know what...there was only one word I could use to describe it, then and now...
MOTHER.
This is a battle I fight every day. Magazines, commercials, ads on the internet...around every corner is an excuse to use, to consume the innocence and dignity of a woman for my selfish gain. However, Grace abounds where sin is found. By God's grace the battle is indeed a battle, not a crushing defeat. I fall many times, but now, I get up and get back to business, relying on God's heart to teach me how my heart should see the world and his beloved sons and daughters.
To all my dear sisters out there...
You are enough. You are SO ENOUGH. You are beautiful, your dignity is so great that my dignity rests on how valiantly I protect, defend and value yours. Forgive me for the times I have failed in my charge. Pray for me as I do for you.
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